Hippocleides Doesn't Care

Right, so I was reading Herodotus the other day and I discovered this most fascinating story of awesome. The ending had me in fits of laughter, and it isn't everyday that something written 2500 years ago can do that.

Granted, it might just be me...but I think it's worth sharing :)
Besides, the Olympics are going on, and it's an Olympic story, sooo....

The buildup is a little long but the pay off at the end is worth it...

Cleisthenes, the son of Aristonymus, grandson of Myron, and great-grandson of Andreas, had a daughter, Agarista, whom he wished to marry to the best man in all Greece. So during the Olympic games, in which he had himself won the chariot race, he had a public announcement made, to the effect that any Greek who thought himself good enough to become Cleisthenes' son-in-law should present himself in Sicyon within sixty days - or sooner if he wished - because he intended, within the year following the sixtieth day, to betroth his daughter to her future husband. Cleisthenes had had a race-track and a wrestling-ring specially made for his purpose, and presently the suitors began to arrive - every man of Greek nationality who had something to be proud of either in his country or in himself. From Sybaris in Italy, then at the height of its prosperity, came Smindyrides the son of Hippocrates, a man noted above all others for delicate and luxurious living, and from Siris, also in Italy, came Damasus the son of Amyris who was nicknamed the Wise. Then there was Amphimnestus, the son of Epistrophus, from Epidamnus on the Ionian Gulf, and Males from Aetolia - Males, the brother of Titormus who was the strongest man in Greece and went to live in the remotest part of Aetolia to avoid living with other human beings. From the Peloponnese came Leocedes the son of Pheidon, who was tyrant of Argos and the man who brought in the system of weights and measures for the Peloponnese - and also turned out the Eleans whose duty it was to manage the Olympic games and proceeded to manage them himself - the wickedest and most arrogant thing ever done by a Greek. Next there was Amiantus, the son of Lycurgus, from Trapezus in Arcadia, and Laphanes, an Azanian from Paeus, whose father Euphorion, the story goes, received Castor and Pollux under his own roof and afterwards kept open house for all comers; and then Onomastus of Elis, the son of Agaeus. From Athens there were two: Megacles, whose father Alcmaeon visited the court of Croesus, and Tisander's son Hippocleides, the wealthiest and best-looking man in Athens. Euboea provided but a single suitor, Lysanias from Eretria, which at that time was at the height of its prosperity; then there was a Thessalian, Diactorides, one of the Scopodae, from Crannon, and, lastly, Alcon from Molossia. This was the list of suitors.

Cleisthenes began by asking each in turn to name his country and parentage; then he kept them in his house for a year, to get to know them well, entering into conversation with them sometimes singly, sometimes all together, and testing each of them for his manly qualities and temper, education and manners. Those who were young he would take to the gymnasia - but the most important test of all was their behaviour at the dinner-table. All this went on throughout their stay in Sicyon, and all the time he entertained them handsomely.

For one reason or another it was the two Athenians who impressed Cleisthenes most favourably, and of the two Tisander's son Hippocleides came to be preferred, not only for his manly virtues but also because he was related some generations back to the family of Cypselus of Corinth.

At last the day came which had been fixed for the betrothal, and Cleisthenes had to declare his choice. He marked the day by the sacrifice of a hundred oxen, and then gave a great banquet, to which not only the suitors but everyone of note in Sicyon was invited. When dinner was over, the suitors began to compete with each other in music and in talking in company. In both these accomplishments it was Hippocleides who easily proved his superiority to the rest, until at last, as more and more wine was drunk, he asked the flute-player to play him a tune and began to dance to it. Now it may well be that he danced to his own satisfaction; Cleisthenes, however, who was watching the performance, began to have serious doubts about the whole business. Presently, after a brief pause, Hippocleides sent for a table; the table was brought, and Hippocleides, climbing on to it, danced first some Laconian dances, next some Attic ones, and ended by standing on his head and beating time with his legs in the air. The Laconian and Attic dances were bad enough; but Cleisthenes, though he already loathed the thought of having a son-in-law like that, nevertheless restrained himself and managed to avoid an outburst; but when he saw Hippocleides beating time with his legs, he could bear it no longer. 'Son of Tisander,' he cried, 'you have danced away your marriage.' 'Hippocleides doesn't care,' was the reply. Hence the common saying, 'Hippocleides doesn't care.'


I mean, wow. Hippocleides spends a year of his wife trying to win the hand of this girl and ends up getting drunk and pulling off some pretty crazy dance moves. The father-in-law is ashamed of son-in-law to be's dancing but manages to stomach it until Hippocleides flips upside down and starts kicking his legs in the air. His angry "you have danced away your marriage!" is such a hilarious line...but Hippocleides takes the cake by retorting (and reffering to himself in the third person) "Hippocleides doesn't care!"

He's like "Man! Don't bother Hippocleides with that marriage baloney! Can't you see that Hippocleides is getting FUNKY!?"

This was so crazy that it became a common saying in Ancient Greece, apparently. I can just see ancient greek people saying that...:

TEACHER: Do your homework! If you don't do your homework you'll end up stupid!

STUDENT: Hippocleides doesn't care!

Or....

WIFE: Husband, you must work and earn money! We are broke!

HUSBAND: Hippocleides doesn't care!



Anyway, there's your ancient history lesson for today. Hopefully I can post another, more spiritually minded blog in the near future. And remember if anyone hassles you, just tell them that Hippocleides Doesn't Care.